Matchmaker, Matchmaker!
Jim Duzak

Not everyone is made for do-it-yourself projects. Some people lack the knowledge, or the tools, or the skills. Others aren’t psychologically prepared for something that can take over their life and batter their ego. Still others lack the patience or the time, or would simply rather pay someone else and let that person deal with the hassles.

When you think about it, online dating is a do-it-yourself project. You have to figure out which of the hundreds of sites is the right one for you. Then you have to write a profile that is interesting and unique, but not off-putting in any way. Then you have to figure out the unwritten code that seems to permeate other people’s profiles, where “dynamic professional” may mean “laid-off car salesman.” And then you have to avoid the trap of falling for a married man or a smooth-talking (or smooth-typing) con artist.

For these reasons and others, the matchmaking profession is still very much alive in the age of do-it-yourself dating. Even in this dismal economy, people are willing to pay good money to someone who can---they hope---find them a suitable romantic match more effectively than they could on their own.

To find out just what a matchmaker does, I interviewed Bonnie Wills of Scottsdale, Arizona. Known professionally as “Bonnie the Matchmaker”, she’s been a full-time matchmaker since 1994 and knows the business inside and out.

Read interview at bottom of page

Scott Vernon had tried everything. Web sites. Personal ads. Dating services. And he still couldn’t find Miss Right. It wasn’t until the Chandler engineer, 46, employed a matchmaker that he found the love of his life. Read the full article.

Internet, Schminternet. Bonnie the Matchmaker says the best way to meet your one true love is by exploiting her peculiar talent for tying people's knots. Miss Wills, who disdains online dating services (her Web site, bonniethematchmaker.com, doesn't provide hookups), is responsible for hundreds of marriages—so who are you to scoff? Read the full article.

Didn't receive rich cherry chocolates, red, red roses, or heart-emblazoned boxers last Valentine's Day? Join the crowd outside the castle: More than one million singles live in the Valley, and many are still searching for their soul-mates. Read the full article.

I heard there are 700,000 singles in the Valley, and I've always thought the best place to meet somebody would be at a dinner party. So I decided to start my own business call Dinner Date Etc. After hosting dinners, I heard many couples complaining about spending a lot of money on dating services and getting poor results. That's when I realized I could do it better for less cost and with more integrity. Read the full article.

At the end of Sixteen Candles, Samantha Baker walks out to the street and finds her super-hot crush, Jake Ryan, leaning against his car waiting for her. But for most women, Saturday nights never come with a neatly penned John Hughes script full of men just waiting to take them out. Read the full article.

You’re a great catch, aren’t you? You finished college, got a solid education. Maybe you’ve worked hard the past few years to establish yourself professionally, and it’s finally starting to pay off. Maybe you were a little bit too focused on your career. One day you look around, suddenly all your friends are in serious relationships, married, starting families. Now you’re thinking to yourself, "It might be nice to have someone to share all this with." God knows you’ll never meet the future mother/father of your offspring at a foam party. So, where to begin? Read the full article.

Matchmaker and owner of Bonnie The Matchmaker, Bonnie Wills is a happily married lady of 22-plus years. Bonnie The Matchmaker is among Arizona's most personalized matchmaking services, primarily catering to the needs of busy professionals. Read the full article.

Bonnie Wills, Matchmaker and owner of Bonnie The Matchmaker, is a happily married lady of 22-plus years. Bonnie The Matchmaker is Arizona's most personalized matchmaking service, catering to the needs of busy professionals. Bonnie says, “Our service is the place ‘Where people who wouldn't be caught dead working with a matchmaker meet others who wouldn't consider it if their lives depended on it!'. Read the full article in Open Magazine.

... continued form above
the interview by Jim Duzak



Jim: There’s no school for matchmakers that I know of, so how did you get into the profession?
Bonnie: I always had a knack for fixing up people I knew. I had a sixth sense about the kinds of qualities that one person would like in another. But until my husband and I moved to Arizona in the early 1990’s, my real career had always been in fashion retailing and merchandising. I’m a graduate of the Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan, and I’ve also attended NYU and the University of Hawaii. matchmakerduzak

When we moved out here, I still had two kids in elementary school, and I wanted a home-based business. I started a singles’ dining club, where my husband and I would host dinner parties for single professionals. It was a lot of fun, but I found that quite a few members were hoping I could do something more for them than just bring groups of people together. They were frustrated with the kinds of dating services that were around then. They wanted a more personalized approach to meeting people, and I felt that I had what it took to do it. So I became Bonnie the Matchmaker, and sixteen years later I’m still doing it and still loving it.

Jim: How much do you charge for your services?
Bonnie: The most popular program I have costs $4,995, but some clients pay a little more or a little less, depending on the length of the contract or other variables.

Jim: For most people, that’s a lot of money. Why would someone pay nearly five thousand dollars for something that, in theory, they could do on their own for free?
Bonnie: There are a lot of reasons. One is, they value their time, and they value my ability to thoroughly screen potential introductions. Just about every one of my clients is a busy professional who doesn’t want to spend hour after hour on dating sites only to find out that the person they’re writing to is married, or has been convicted of fraud, or has been lying about his age, weight, or employment status.

An example of the kind of client who is happy to pay for matchmaking services is a professor at one of the business schools in the Phoenix area. When he moved here from another part of the country, he knew no one. His work days were long, and he had to spend a lot of time getting to know his colleagues and his students, and just finding his way around the city. The last thing he needed was to devote his little free time to hanging around bars or surfing online dating sites. It was worth it to him to have someone---me---do all the legwork for him, weed out the less desirable people, and introduce him to some bright and accomplished women that he was likely to click with.

The truth is, my clients are smart people who know what they’re good at, but also know what they’re not so good at. They’re accustomed to hiring other people for their expertise, and they see the value of paying for an introduction that could become the love of their life.

Jim: Is background screening something you do routinely?
Bonnie: Absolutely. I do it in every case, and I even do it on my own clients. In fact, I won’t accept someone as a client who refuses to have a background check done on him or her. My reputation is too important to me to be representing someone with a criminal record, or a shaky financial history, or some other undesirable quality.

Jim: So, you do turn down people, even if they have a check in hand for $4,995?
Bonnie: Yes. In fact, I turn down close to fifty percent of the people who come to me, but not always because of something suspicious in their background. I won’t accept someone whom I realistically can’t help. If a woman, for example, is seriously overweight, over sixty, and a smoker, she’d be wasting her money coming to me, because the chance of my finding a suitable match for her is close to zero. I’m not necessarily saying she has a zero chance of ever finding someone on her own, but the men I represent are usually not looking for a woman like her. I don’t want to give her false illusions. I want to have satisfied clients, and that means, unfortunately, I can’t accept everyone.

I also turn down people who aren’t psychologically prepared to begin a new relationship; who aren’t what I call “date ready.” If a prospective client is still bitter over a recent divorce, that bitterness is going to poison any new relationship before it even has a chance to begin. I urge people like that to get counseling and come back in six months to talk some more. Some of them do, and if they’ve worked through their anger and other issues I’m happy to take them on as clients at that time.

Jim: Do you limit your introductions only to those people who are existing clients? If a woman, for example, becomes a client, are you introducing her only to men whom you already represent, or do you do a “search” on her behalf outside your existing database?
Bonnie: Just about every matchmaker I know has more women clients than men clients, so I have to go outside my database if I’m going to do a good job for my women clients. If I’m at a party or a networking mixer or a Chamber of Commerce meeting, and I meet an attractive, eligible man and see him as a potential match for one of my women clients, I’ll ask him to come by my office the next day and fill out a questionnaire. He doesn’t necessarily have to become a paying client, but I do want to interview him in depth and check out his background before I introduce him to someone.

Jim: Once you decide that you’d like to introduce a particular man to one of your women clients, what do you do next?
Bonnie: I don’t set up people on blind dates. I speak with both people ahead of time and let each of them know about the other person, and why I think they might be suited to each other. If the woman is agreeable to the introduction, I’ll give the man her number---women usually want the man to call. After their date, I speak with both of them again. It’s crucial that I get a client’s feedback before I introduce him or her to someone else. I need to know if a client is, for example, overly picky, or if there’s a pattern developing that could have an effect on the kinds of introductions I make in the future. I probably do at least as much work with clients after their dates than before.

Jim: Are some clients never satisfied with anyone they meet?
Bonnie: Yes. There are people who say they’re interested in meeting people but who really aren’t. I never would have guessed when I started out that there would be clients who would pay a matchmaker’s fee and then not co-operate in the process, but I’ve had them. These are, of course, my toughest clients, because they don’t want to admit that the problem is with them.

Jim: Do you ever use your background in the fashion industry to help clients enhance their attractiveness?
Bonnie: All the time. I coach clients on their wardrobe, their makeup, their hair style. If a client is using an unflattering photograph, I’ll refer him or her to a professional portrait photographer. You simply can’t overestimate the importance of first impressions, and you can’t take anything for granted when it comes to your appearance.

Jim: Speaking of first impressions, many people believe that if the “spark” isn’t there on a first date, it never will be. Do you agree with that?
Bonnie: I hate to see people try to determine compatibility, or lack of compatibility, too quickly. People don’t always show themselves to advantage on first dates. For example, someone might be overly talkative, but only because they’re nervous. By a second or third date, that same person might be more relaxed and make a more favorable impression. If a client is on the fence, I always urge him or her to give it another try. Everyone seems to hate first dates, so I tell clients, “Why don’t you pretend you skipped the first date and you’re on the second date instead.” It sounds silly, but sometimes it works.

Jim: For those unmarried readers who simply can’t afford a matchmaker’s fees, what advice do you have?
Bonnie: With online dating, a professional photo is a must, as is a thoughtful, well-written profile. Be specific in your profile about the qualities you’re looking for in someone; not the superficial qualities but the values that are really important to you. You may get a huge number of responses, but many of them will clearly be unsuitable. Don’t waste time and energy on someone just because he contacts you.

But you should also get out in the world and meet people. Join clubs and organizations that attract like-minded people. Attend charitable events if you can afford them; they’re often a great way to meet people. Keep business cards on you at all times, and don’t be shy about giving one to a man you’ve met who seems interesting. A man might feel funny about a woman asking him out, but exchanging business cards is a common and comfortable thing to do when people meet.

Stay optimistic about finding the right person without being desperate to find him. If you’re really meant to be married, and you care enough to do what it takes to get married, you’ll get married. But be honest with yourself. If you’re in your fifties or sixties and have never been married, at some level you probably don’t want the compromises that come with marriage. And that’s fine; not everyone is suited to being married. It’s more important that you have the kind of life you truly enjoy than to want something that’s not right for you.

(Bonnie Wills can be reached by phone at (602) 996-0056. Her website is www.BonnieTheMatchmaker.com).